Help Me Decide How To Spend My New Money.

And don't ask where it came from, just know that it's there.
Please bear in mind that activities are contingent on both my need to stay employed and the necessity of acknowledging my serious lack of vacation time.


Your options are:

a) Paying off my massive accruement of student loans.
b) Paying off my massive accruement of credit card debt.
c) Hiring Motley Crue to play my 25th birthday party (it's on a Friday and there will be cake).
d) Microwaving a kitten, followed by the successful concealment of evidence by persons other than myself (hush money alloted for)
e) One really serious BBQ.

I am open to other suggestions... But not really.

Nashville Welcomes You!

Let's start with the airport because it certainly does a good job of setting the mood for the rest of my trip. I took a gander at the Meditation Room, and there were actually sluggish Christians kowtowing at a giant cross on the wall. Terrifying.

Thanks for the info, Cap. I guess I'd better take my AK-47 out of the brown paper bag I was planning on transporting it across state lines in.

Groceries in Nashville Are Just Funnier Than Elsewhere.

If you're from the Northeast, it'll remind you of your childhood and what you used to call your friends. (Aside: I really like jam.)

I'm not sure if this is racist or just hilarious (given it's Nashville, probably both).

Taylor Has the Best Sex Eyes.

And a sweet fuckin' rack too. And that d-bag sitting next to her is trying to flag down a waiter, when what he should be doing is trying to find a way to chain her to the wall, because this is the luckiest night of his life and he has no idea.

Look at the Girl. Would You Look at the Girl?

She wasn't even trying to look this way, the sex just spontaneously erupted all over my camera.

In the Hot Tub. Poppin' Buh-ba-lee.

Click on picture to read funny twist cap caption.

This is the kind of champagne I imagine being served on the sets of Fat Joe videos. I know it looks like whiskey, but that's just the artificial peach flavor and a little F&D Red 40.
(Sorry it took me so long to post. The trip ended in a hazy blur followed up by a 14-hour car trip back to the blue states and a lot of puking.)

"I Want to Rub Your Privates Through Your Granny Panties."

(Actual line used by the good gentleman Thurgood when faced with a pair of sweaty Cuddle Duds the size of Maine.)

What's a gentleman to do?

But seriously, what would you do if you were assaulted by this POW!!! right here? Would you run for the hills, or would you giggle at your good fortune and proceed to immediately de-louse her of her pesky virginity and then just sit back counting the self-replicating exclamation points in your brain?