Dear Diary... (Musing the First)

... I had another date with Brad last night. We went to see Monster-in-Law... it's really great, I highly recommend it to anyone. He was late, as usual, but as I saw him approaching it was pretty easy to forgive him. Gosh, he really is a cute guy. But when we were buying tickets, he turned to me and said, "Don't worry, it's on me." I mean, how tacky! Of course it's on you, you're the guy!!!

If it hadn't been for the movie being as great as it was, the evening would have been a complete bust. It's just not... there. He walked me to my apartment and leaned in for a kiss goodnight, but I just couldn't bring myself to do it. I think he wanted to come upstairs with me, but after just three months, I am really not ready to be intimate with him yet. I really want to be in love before I can make love, you know?

And will I ever find love? Will I ever find that complete, can't-live-without-each-other love? It really didn't help that Jerry McGuire was on when I curled up on the couch in my sweats post-date. That movie always makes me really hopeful that I too, one day, will find my soulmate and we will live happily ever after. Call me a dreamer. Or maybe I should just be realistic and instead of looking for Mr. Perfect start looking for Mr. Good-Enough. Maybe there isn't a perfect someone for all of us, and I'm better off settling for someone who will merely love me and provide for me without that... spark.

I don't think I'll see Brad again. I should just stick to the things I know I enjoy, like shopping, hanging out with the girls, my puppy, and Ben & Jerry's Chunky Monkey, of course! Wink!:)
Goodnight, everyone.

Hugz & Kissuz,
Attica

Responsibility later, euthanasia NOW!

I'm having a difficult time dealing with people today.
OK, in no particular order of importance, people who should absolutely, unequivocally be removed with much painful force and ungodly fury:

- Hippies. Every last god damn one of them.
- Persons who abuse their powers gratuitously
- Ex-boyfriends/girlfriends/fuckfriends who are shitty because they're still bitter
- All members of the band My Chemical Romance
- Stage parents
- Asian girls who drag their feet when they walk
- That group of anti-Bush protesters at Union Square with the bullhorn, especially the guy in the suit with the ponytail that always ruins my day (I fucking HATE that guy!)
- Pederasts who receive a government-funded Viagra pension
- Viagra users in general (if it don't work, God's tryin' to tell you something, Big Boy.)
- Religious zealots, especially those Watchtower fuckers
- The unwashed masses of deodorant boycotters who use public transportation
- Leering Puerto Ricans who say things like "God bless you, ma" while unashamedly memorizing the decolletage of underage girls into their mental porn emporium
- Tom Mother Fucking Creep Show Lunchbox Cruise
- Hipster art patrons (NYC only with a concentration on Williamsburg)
- Girls who dress like it's nineteen freaking '88
- New Jersey Guidos
- PETA activists
- All participants in "reality TV" programming who aren't in it for the money
- Pet insects/lizards/reptiles/livestock and their owners
- The entire Gotti family (with the exception of John, who is still out there and totally gangsta)
- The self-righteous writers of Page Six
- Patrons of Jeff's at Barney's
- Wannabe thugs who wear fully color-coordinated outfits and then just pile on the nickle varnished gold colored jewelry with the plastic rhinestones in it (bonus points for wearers of baby pink or white people)
- Male homosexuals who fashion themselves a non-existent lisp
- Proprietors of websites that require registration in order to view content
- Street vendors that sell incense
- Meatheads
- That tacky pig Mariah Carey (did you know that she has a petite Salvadorian that follows her around with a Louis Vuitton backpack full of bottled water? It's totally true! I mean, what the FUCK!!!!)
- Guys that hit women (but only when the women don't deserve it, in cases when they do the guys are heroes and should be commended and touted as fighters for equality amongst the sexes)
- Drunken sorority girls (you did it to yourself, Sluttypants)
- People who enigmatically and privately smile constantly even though there is not a God damn thing that's funny (smiling while walking down the street, smiling when grocery shopping, smiling during long subway rides)
- Persons who put their mobiles on speakerphone mode while in public

Feel free to add to the list.

Because You Can Have Them All.

The first album my brother ever bought, ladies and gentlemen.

What's Your Flavor, Ladies?

A former collegiate date-raping letterman white boy with a flat-top?
Or a sensitive Latino with fluttering girly hair and bicycle shorts?
Maybe it's a black guy with really neat braids wearing Cross Colours and 13-holes?
I'll bet it's not the skinny ugly guy with the falsetto and the crucial Kenny G. vibe.

C’mon baby, where you going?
'Cause you know I want it...
I don’t wanna sex you to get you
Because I want it
Cutie just slip into your negligee
And let me make love to you all day
'Cause the first time I saw you
I wanted to kick it to you
Your body is slammin’
So honey, can I do you?
'Cause you and I both know tricks are for kids
So get the Dom Perignon out of the fridge
I wanna do the first thing that comes to mind
'Cause on a scale of one to ten
No question, you're a dime
I’m attracted to you 'cause you give me love
And sweetheart, Color Me Badd
Is gonna sex you up

Hey, beautiful lady, I need you tonight
Lovely, lovely lady
I wanna make you feel all right
Yeah, I can’t deny, baby
I wanna love you down
You are so fine, baby
All I wanna do is...

(Ooooooooh ooh ooh)
I want to sex you up
All night (Girl you make me feel good)
I want to...
Let me rub you down...
Sex you up

Say do you feel lonely girl
Let me turn down the lights
So I can hold you in the darkness
Oh baby, let’s make love tonight
Yeah, dig, you feel so right baby
When I love you down
Please be my wife, sugar
'Cause all I wanna do is...

Girl you just make me feel so good
I just wanna... I just want... to...
Just lay back, and enjoy the ride
All I wanna do is
Make sweet lovin’ all night long
Feels so right, it can’t be wrong
Don’t be shy girl come to me
Open up your heart and I’ll set you free
I want to touch you, all the right places,
BabyI want to make love to you
All night...

The Answer is YES, PLEASE.

I mean SEEEriously, boys.

That "I Heart Boobs" T-Shirt Is So Getting Made, Like, Tomorrow.

I swear to God. Every time boys come over, it's always "BRowN STaRfiSH" this or "BooBiES R NicE" that. It's like babysitting sometimes.

Me Pirate Eyne

That's all you get, Zip. Anonymity must be preserved. Ennui must be evicted, and hilarity must pay the rent! Employment beware!!!

I See London As Well As France.

Is there anything better than a bunch of drunk chicks who really like each other sprawled out all over one annuder on a red couch? Nah, I got nothing.
P.S. Guess which cutie-pie drunk chick is wearing pansy yelow fundies. (Sorry, darlin', but thems are the risks you take when you pick up the bottle.)

How Easy Was Starting a Blog?

And truth be told, the tie in with the page name was completely coincidental. I'm taking it as a good sign. I'm not sure what I just got myself into, this is either going to be one of those things that inadvertently consumes 75% of my day, or I'm going to forget all about it in 2.4 hours. You say I'm trash, baby, but I feel like a God-damned millionaire. Leo, you'd betsa be grateful, you globe-trottin' sum-a-bitch.