Responsibility later, euthanasia NOW!
I'm having a difficult time dealing with people today.
OK, in no particular order of importance, people who should absolutely, unequivocally be removed with much painful force and ungodly fury:
- Hippies. Every last god damn one of them.
- Persons who abuse their powers gratuitously
- Ex-boyfriends/girlfriends/fuckfriends who are shitty because they're still bitter
- All members of the band My Chemical Romance
- Stage parents
- Asian girls who drag their feet when they walk
- That group of anti-Bush protesters at Union Square with the bullhorn, especially the guy in the suit with the ponytail that always ruins my day (I fucking HATE that guy!)
- Pederasts who receive a government-funded Viagra pension
- Viagra users in general (if it don't work, God's tryin' to tell you something, Big Boy.)
- Religious zealots, especially those Watchtower fuckers
- The unwashed masses of deodorant boycotters who use public transportation
- Leering Puerto Ricans who say things like "God bless you, ma" while unashamedly memorizing the decolletage of underage girls into their mental porn emporium
- Tom Mother Fucking Creep Show Lunchbox Cruise
- Hipster art patrons (NYC only with a concentration on Williamsburg)
- Girls who dress like it's nineteen freaking '88
- New Jersey Guidos
- PETA activists
- All participants in "reality TV" programming who aren't in it for the money
- Pet insects/lizards/reptiles/livestock and their owners
- The entire Gotti family (with the exception of John, who is still out there and totally gangsta)
- The self-righteous writers of Page Six
- Patrons of Jeff's at Barney's
- Wannabe thugs who wear fully color-coordinated outfits and then just pile on the nickle varnished gold colored jewelry with the plastic rhinestones in it (bonus points for wearers of baby pink or white people)
- Male homosexuals who fashion themselves a non-existent lisp
- Proprietors of websites that require registration in order to view content
- Street vendors that sell incense
- Meatheads
- That tacky pig Mariah Carey (did you know that she has a petite Salvadorian that follows her around with a Louis Vuitton backpack full of bottled water? It's totally true! I mean, what the FUCK!!!!)
- Guys that hit women (but only when the women don't deserve it, in cases when they do the guys are heroes and should be commended and touted as fighters for equality amongst the sexes)
- Drunken sorority girls (you did it to yourself, Sluttypants)
- People who enigmatically and privately smile constantly even though there is not a God damn thing that's funny (smiling while walking down the street, smiling when grocery shopping, smiling during long subway rides)
- Persons who put their mobiles on speakerphone mode while in public
Feel free to add to the list.
OK, in no particular order of importance, people who should absolutely, unequivocally be removed with much painful force and ungodly fury:
- Hippies. Every last god damn one of them.
- Persons who abuse their powers gratuitously
- Ex-boyfriends/girlfriends/fuckfriends who are shitty because they're still bitter
- All members of the band My Chemical Romance
- Stage parents
- Asian girls who drag their feet when they walk
- That group of anti-Bush protesters at Union Square with the bullhorn, especially the guy in the suit with the ponytail that always ruins my day (I fucking HATE that guy!)
- Pederasts who receive a government-funded Viagra pension
- Viagra users in general (if it don't work, God's tryin' to tell you something, Big Boy.)
- Religious zealots, especially those Watchtower fuckers
- The unwashed masses of deodorant boycotters who use public transportation
- Leering Puerto Ricans who say things like "God bless you, ma" while unashamedly memorizing the decolletage of underage girls into their mental porn emporium
- Tom Mother Fucking Creep Show Lunchbox Cruise
- Hipster art patrons (NYC only with a concentration on Williamsburg)
- Girls who dress like it's nineteen freaking '88
- New Jersey Guidos
- PETA activists
- All participants in "reality TV" programming who aren't in it for the money
- Pet insects/lizards/reptiles/livestock and their owners
- The entire Gotti family (with the exception of John, who is still out there and totally gangsta)
- The self-righteous writers of Page Six
- Patrons of Jeff's at Barney's
- Wannabe thugs who wear fully color-coordinated outfits and then just pile on the nickle varnished gold colored jewelry with the plastic rhinestones in it (bonus points for wearers of baby pink or white people)
- Male homosexuals who fashion themselves a non-existent lisp
- Proprietors of websites that require registration in order to view content
- Street vendors that sell incense
- Meatheads
- That tacky pig Mariah Carey (did you know that she has a petite Salvadorian that follows her around with a Louis Vuitton backpack full of bottled water? It's totally true! I mean, what the FUCK!!!!)
- Guys that hit women (but only when the women don't deserve it, in cases when they do the guys are heroes and should be commended and touted as fighters for equality amongst the sexes)
- Drunken sorority girls (you did it to yourself, Sluttypants)
- People who enigmatically and privately smile constantly even though there is not a God damn thing that's funny (smiling while walking down the street, smiling when grocery shopping, smiling during long subway rides)
- Persons who put their mobiles on speakerphone mode while in public
Feel free to add to the list.
posted by Attica Wolfcastle, Esq. at 1:40 PM
1 Comments:
I was thinking earlier this week how much happier I would be if ALL italian people dressed and talked and were completely sexually innocent like the mario brothers.
when i was like 7 thats that I thought italian people were all like. (Well, that and coke headed murderers, which I loved then and now.) I believed in that shit until I moved up here and realized that jersey was making the saddest fucking creatures on earth. everytime i walk by a bar that isnt thick with hipster scum, (who I can ignore cause they're harmless. you cant break someones jaw with woman arms, sorry T-shirt and blazer) Its like I'm wading through a Dago minstrel show where they say "Yo" instead of "Mammy".
Also, I lost my shit and almost choked on my delicious beer when I read the lunchbox cruise comment.
Glad at least his "homo-beard" is at least close to "Star-Quality" fuckable this time.
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