Do Not See This Movie.

Why? Because it is complete and utter horseshit. For starters, the damn thing is exactly 58 minutes long, which, for my money, qualifies it to be a short film. I first read about it last week, and it seemed to have all the trappings of a fine cinematic experience: a director I respect. An interesting plotline. A creepy, truistic toy factory trailer. Best of all, it's based on a real story, and the casting director went to the actual town and casted the film from the local townspeople. (It shows.) But be warned, my friends, high brow cinema it is not. The pace is excrutiating, so much so that at one point I started picking at a scab on my hand to keep myself from falling asleep. The shtick is fascinating at first, but it becomes so tedious about 15 minutes into it (which is, luckily, already a quarter of the movie) and the story is so erratic and uninteresting that I spent the entire time wondering how soon I would get to go pee and what I was going to wear to work tomorrow. Awful. Just absolutely awful. You know, I saw Alexander, and until last night that was the worst movie ever made, but even Alexander had some redeeming qualities (gratuitous bloodshed, homoerotic tension, Rosario Dawson boobies). But this piece of sweaty turd takes the cake, and I defy the directors of the world to top it. I'd really like to know what kind of goofballs Soderbergh was on when he decided that this was a good idea. Fucking horseshit. We went to ask for our money back afterward, and the girl at the counter without any protest just handed over two free tickets and said, "you should really call Magnolia Films and complain." Then she slipped me a box of Jujubes under the counter.

Awful.