What I Love This Week
1) Russian Fashion Week. As if routine executions, communism and embezzlement weren't enough, those motherfuckers just keep proving that they do everything right. Fuck! Not only did their designers put American designers to shame, to SHAME, do you know what they passed out as swag? Disposable cameras with shots of 'models backstage' (read: bucket ass nekkid) as starter pics already on there, brownies imported by UPS from American bakeries (no joke) and cigarettes. One designer had his models wear cock-head masks (the bird, pervert) and fight each other on the runway. Jesus. It's like a hedonistic Donatella Versace paradise over there.
2) Terrell Owens. He is what my 6 year old cousin would refer to as a dumb-dumb. As if pooping his career in San Francisco wasn't enough, and decimating his Philly career on top of that, now that he's suspended he won't stop talking shit. I think that him and Dennis Rodman and Ron Artest and Marv Alberts should start a Special People Club and have weekly meetings somewhere in a treehouse in Minnesota with a publicist. And the best part is that after each infraction he realizes what he did, and then he's like, "Oops! Do over!" My favorite T.O. quotes this week:
"I'll watch the highlights every now and then, but as far as watching the game, I don't need to, because I feel like I am the game."
"At the end of the day, I don't have to worry about what people think of me, whether they hate me or not. People hated on Jesus. They threw stones on him and tried to kill him, so how can I complain or worry about what people think?"
"I feel like a basketball player in a football uniform."
"Like my boys tell me, if it looks like a rat, and it smells like a rat, by golly, it is a rat." (Referring to a rumor that teammate Jeff Garcia is gay)
"To be honest, I think I'm a little better than Randy Moss. OK, a lot better."
"I'm probably not as bad of a guy as I've been reported to be. I'm not that jerk."
3) Googling James Braunstein. Oh, you don't know who that is? Oh, OHKAY. He's the guy that dressed up like a fireman on Halloween night, set a stairwell fire in a hot girl's apartment building, knocked on her door pretending to be the FDNY, knocked her out, and then had fun rapey time with her for 13 hours straight. http://www.nydailynews.com/front/story/362631p-308896c.html I love how the entire city was up in arms about how it was probably a gang member or a scary Mexican sex offender. Then it turns out that the guy is a white-bred Berkeley graduate, a playwright, a published author, and an upstanding member of the Upper West Side Jewish community. And then everyone was like, ".............................oh." If they ever nail this guy, and I hope to God that they do, I think they should let the girl he raped have a go at him for 13 hours straight. And then they should ship him off to our friends in Russia for routine torture.
4) The boys of Canberra. Hello, boys. We are doing fine over here.
5) Jihad Couture. There was a seminar held at the Nordstrom in my old hometown last weekend for 'women of modesty.' According to the good folks at the department store, Muslim women should show their flair for fashion by covering their heads with Hermes scarves and Yves Saint Laurent kidskin gloves (for a good Muslim shows no wrists). Pretty awesome, considering the burqa is supposed to be the modern day equivalent of an all-consuming potato sack. Fuck.
http://www.eveinblack.com/
http://www.femmesarabes.ca/
http://www.arabesque-hc.com/active/aw0474a.htm
I don't know about all of you. I'm moving to Russia.
2) Terrell Owens. He is what my 6 year old cousin would refer to as a dumb-dumb. As if pooping his career in San Francisco wasn't enough, and decimating his Philly career on top of that, now that he's suspended he won't stop talking shit. I think that him and Dennis Rodman and Ron Artest and Marv Alberts should start a Special People Club and have weekly meetings somewhere in a treehouse in Minnesota with a publicist. And the best part is that after each infraction he realizes what he did, and then he's like, "Oops! Do over!" My favorite T.O. quotes this week:
"I'll watch the highlights every now and then, but as far as watching the game, I don't need to, because I feel like I am the game."
"At the end of the day, I don't have to worry about what people think of me, whether they hate me or not. People hated on Jesus. They threw stones on him and tried to kill him, so how can I complain or worry about what people think?"
"I feel like a basketball player in a football uniform."
"Like my boys tell me, if it looks like a rat, and it smells like a rat, by golly, it is a rat." (Referring to a rumor that teammate Jeff Garcia is gay)
"To be honest, I think I'm a little better than Randy Moss. OK, a lot better."
"I'm probably not as bad of a guy as I've been reported to be. I'm not that jerk."
3) Googling James Braunstein. Oh, you don't know who that is? Oh, OHKAY. He's the guy that dressed up like a fireman on Halloween night, set a stairwell fire in a hot girl's apartment building, knocked on her door pretending to be the FDNY, knocked her out, and then had fun rapey time with her for 13 hours straight. http://www.nydailynews.com/front/story/362631p-308896c.html I love how the entire city was up in arms about how it was probably a gang member or a scary Mexican sex offender. Then it turns out that the guy is a white-bred Berkeley graduate, a playwright, a published author, and an upstanding member of the Upper West Side Jewish community. And then everyone was like, ".............................oh." If they ever nail this guy, and I hope to God that they do, I think they should let the girl he raped have a go at him for 13 hours straight. And then they should ship him off to our friends in Russia for routine torture.
4) The boys of Canberra. Hello, boys. We are doing fine over here.
5) Jihad Couture. There was a seminar held at the Nordstrom in my old hometown last weekend for 'women of modesty.' According to the good folks at the department store, Muslim women should show their flair for fashion by covering their heads with Hermes scarves and Yves Saint Laurent kidskin gloves (for a good Muslim shows no wrists). Pretty awesome, considering the burqa is supposed to be the modern day equivalent of an all-consuming potato sack. Fuck.
http://www.eveinblack.com/
http://www.femmesarabes.ca/
http://www.arabesque-hc.com/active/aw0474a.htm
I don't know about all of you. I'm moving to Russia.
posted by Attica Wolfcastle, Esq. at 10:40 AM
2 Comments:
Hehe ranking us below Terrell Owens? That's a little harsh because yes I saw the interview and like cringed. But seriously if you think that's bad try listening to his buddy ex Dallas Cowboy Michael Irvin try and string a sentence together, hehe its like I've been down the local Irish pub at the arse end of ACT at like 4am and seen drunken darros make more sense then that.
Hehe and what's wrong with Marv Albert? Sure he likes a little neck bitting and arse humping now and then but as long as he continues to yell out 'from downtown' what do I care? :P
Btw love the pic Attica, please post some more =]
'Twas not in order of importance! If it had been, TO's awesomeness would have fallen somewhere between prison rapes and the ebola virus.
Judging by your love of Marv Albert I am guessing that someone played a bit of "NBA Jam!" in their Sega Genesis days. Am I right? Am I right? Did you love to set the ball on fire?!?
And for the record, my chances of surviving a bar fight in Moscow are equal to that of a fro-yo in the ninth rung of Hell. But that's the point sorta, I'd risk it for the sake of having fewer reasons to start fights in bars. It's a conundrum of sorts.
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