Boy, Is My Face Red.
I'm sorry, everyone. I went away to the reds again. Chulo was supposed to let everyone know, but he's been so swamped with planning my jet-setting for the year that he totally dropped the ball. He has been reprimanded severely and placed on employment probation. Watch your ass, Chulo. In the impasse, I've received an overwhelming number of e-mails asking me what the hell the deal was, and how you all thought I was back on track with the blog writing, and all of that. I'd just like to say for the record that I thought about three people total read this thing, and that if I'd known I was disappointing quite so many people my dilligence would have been on an upswing, so please accept my sincerest apologies and gratitude for your patronage.
Highlights from Nashville:
1) Something that I will refer to as 'titties in my face.'
2) The discovery of a little known local gastrological gem called 'Frito Pie.' They open a bag of Fritos and stuff it with melted cheese and deep fried ground beef and a ton of black bean chili (the gross cheap Hormel kind out of a can), and then shake it all up, pour it into a cardboard boat, and serve it to you with a spork. You can get a Frito Pie, a Beast and a cheesewurst (brats stuffed with American) for less than four bucks. Granted, you have to go into a sketchy alley full of dudes to get it, but TOTALLY worth the momentary fear of the unknown.
3) Billy. Billy is a young man (about 350 lbs.) with the sweetest disposition and manners. I met him outside the Frito Pie place at two in the morning and he offered to be my Southern gentleman protector for the evening. He said he wanted to save me from all the 'assholes' in his lazy drawl. The second that word came out of his mouth, I knew we were friends for life. I made him say it about ten times that night. "Aaaaaeys-hooowl."
4) Listening to Gordon Gee, the Mormon chancellor of Vanderbilt University, lecture about 5,000 God-fearing red-staters about the merits of the morning-after pill in a keynote address. If I had a dime for every 'ooh' and 'aah' and innapropriate I overheard during the speech, I would probably make enough to supply blow to the set of The O.C. for at least two seasons.
Have pics, will post soon.
I think this will be my last trip to the South.
Damn, it feels good to be home.
Highlights from Nashville:
1) Something that I will refer to as 'titties in my face.'
2) The discovery of a little known local gastrological gem called 'Frito Pie.' They open a bag of Fritos and stuff it with melted cheese and deep fried ground beef and a ton of black bean chili (the gross cheap Hormel kind out of a can), and then shake it all up, pour it into a cardboard boat, and serve it to you with a spork. You can get a Frito Pie, a Beast and a cheesewurst (brats stuffed with American) for less than four bucks. Granted, you have to go into a sketchy alley full of dudes to get it, but TOTALLY worth the momentary fear of the unknown.
3) Billy. Billy is a young man (about 350 lbs.) with the sweetest disposition and manners. I met him outside the Frito Pie place at two in the morning and he offered to be my Southern gentleman protector for the evening. He said he wanted to save me from all the 'assholes' in his lazy drawl. The second that word came out of his mouth, I knew we were friends for life. I made him say it about ten times that night. "Aaaaaeys-hooowl."
4) Listening to Gordon Gee, the Mormon chancellor of Vanderbilt University, lecture about 5,000 God-fearing red-staters about the merits of the morning-after pill in a keynote address. If I had a dime for every 'ooh' and 'aah' and innapropriate I overheard during the speech, I would probably make enough to supply blow to the set of The O.C. for at least two seasons.
Have pics, will post soon.
I think this will be my last trip to the South.
Damn, it feels good to be home.
posted by Attica Wolfcastle, Esq. at 9:18 AM
3 Comments:
The line about the OC - CLASSIC!
i soo want a frito pie.
LONG LIVE BILLY! Do you think he has a myspace account? I think I want to make him my myspace bf. T,t,t uuuuunit!
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